I wish I would have known

I’ve known him for years… And if I would have known what I know now, I wouldn’t have set foot in his house. Never in a million years did I ever think I would fall in love with him. But I did. I can’t tell you when it exactly happened because I myself didn’t know until now.

We were an on and off type of couple but it was always timely spaced out. Each time we were off we wouldn’t speak, it hurt but there was nothing I could do but wait for him to come back to me.

He was my first even though at the time we weren’t together. I knew I didn’t want anybody else to share something so special with me. To be honest I never really thought of sex being anything other than just that so what was the point of saving yourself? But now I know it can mean something.

We broke up again last Thursday but it felt different. It felt like the last straw. So when Saturday came around I begged my friend Tanya, who is also his sister, to get me drunk. We had no where to go so we rented a hotel room. It was just us two and somehow her brother and his friend came over. I remember him asking me why I was drinking but I think I shoved him away. He left after yelling at Tanya and was muttering about going to see this hot girl. Tanya comforted me as I cried about him not caring about me and that I loved him. She told me that if he didn’t care about me then why else would he keep coming back to me after all this time? Why else would he come over to make sure I was okay? I texted him that I loved him but that I was tired and sorry but goodbye because I’m trying to forget him.

He ended up coming back and I remember us having sex. I also remember him saying that we weren’t broken up and that he was sorry. I tried texting him the next day because I want to know if he meant it when he said we were still together. He said we’d talk about it later. Now he’s avoiding me.

I thought we were in love, I thought what I felt with him was love. But if it isn’t love then please Sean tell me what was it..?

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